Holy smoke, I just realized that there is a myriad of applications which have yet to be installed on the computers which have been updated to Leopard. Blogging without the ease of Xjournal makes things a bit more toilsome.

I suppose this qualifies as a "Fail" on my part.

So, the beginning Augustrasse by Acoustic Alchemy reminds me too much of the Temple of Time from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. After having not played the game in over a year now, it's a mystery how I am able to recall that.

My Honors English teacher would be so proud of me.

Just for the record, yes, I did find it hard not to take certain peoples' remarks directed towards me today personally.

I suppose one of the things that I need to work on is not being quick to be offended. It's irrational to others when I try to find a way to hold it in since it takes 100% of my attention to do so; I would think it appears as a spontaneous mood swing if I was watching me.

Or perhaps I'm just thinking too hard. Wouldn't be the first.

I get a little bent out of shape when I hear of other peoples' negative interactions with someone of a specific sex, race, or, to a further extent, personality and disregarding their entire association with that group of people with distaste simply because they consider everyone to be that way.

I think that one of my greatest struggles that I personally have not found a way to overcome is intellectual pressure - the kind that comes from one's self and not necessarily stimulated through someone else's doing. In recent cases, I have been generally frustrated and confused because of friends' choices that cause a sense of loss and resentment to be the result. It is not intended to necessarily affect me in the way that it is; this is just me being the oversensitive and somewhat spontaneous Nate that I am.

I have found over many years that I become extremely emotionally attached to things or people in a way that depicts a person that may not actually be me. But, slowly, I have noticed a more sensible presence developing in me. This is not to give myself credit, mind you. But a feeling puts me at ease when I may be in a situation where I know that I am thinking way too hard for my own good. I know that that is never a good situation to be in.

And so, the question arises: how to overcome it?

The simple answer would obviously be to merely pay attention to when I am thinking too hard and to stop myself. Perhaps implementing this is the reason why a slow change, if you will, has happened. But I like to think that there is something greater that can be done about it.

Or maybe I'm just doomed to be like this forever. Maybe I should surrender and accept my fate with a smile.

It is a curious thing: to come to the reality that traits prominent in family members that I periodically regard with distaste or simply loathe are just as apparent in myself as they are in them. To a further extent, to be cognizant of friends, teachers, or other people and their personalities being unmistakably plain in myself is just as pivotal as the first. As I realize this, it helps me to have more patience and to not be so judgmental with the people I associate with or, more importantly, the ones that I live with. It certainly is a humbling knowledge.

Some major highlights have happened recently that might be worth recording.

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Last Friday was our first formal concert of the year for our Symphonic Group. We traveled to Analy to play in their auditorium at a band festival; we were the last to perform that day. Personally, I think it was a solid concert. Everyone was focused and generally put their best effort when transferring the notes of the paper through their specific instruments. After a rather long, but beneficial, clinic, we took pictures, put our instruments away, and made the mad dash to our vehicles.

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Stake Conference was another event of the weekend. While parents of friends were present on Saturday night, we held a partyish shin dig here of pizza making, Apples to Apples, and Happy Feet. Overall, it was a pleasant night of others' company instead of drearily twiddling thumbs while attempting to figure something to do.

Sunday morning was the general session of Conference at San Rafael. It was a spectacular time to be edified, uplifted and convinced of the reality of the strength of the members of the church. Long, drawn out times between these events damper, for lack of a better term, me and to become charged so strong in such an opportune time is exactly what I feel I needed.

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We went over for a family birthday party at my aunt and uncle's house. I have always been in awe of his fantastic CD collection. I asked if I could take a peek at everything. When we were walking out, I had ten albums of various artists consisting of mostly Acid Jazz and Bluesy Swing. I've finished one so far. It was alright, though not worth ripping in.

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It is practically the beginning of another week. Today, I felt convinced that I needed to get done all of my homework, including what's due Wednesday. I've realized that I've been slowly creeping into habits of procrastination again. While it may not be as extreme, I cannot afford to fall into it again. As years continue to become increasingly challenging, procrastination cannot control my life and I do not want to feel subject to it.

Time to finish some reading of All Quiet on the Western Front. I think this entry is living proof that I am pretty exhausted. The task of reading is seeming very daunting right now; we'll see how far it will get.

Many pleasant rainy days have passed this week. The weather the past couple days has been exceptionally pleasant – sunny, not too hot, not too cold. This makes for a more cheerful day for me at school and as the day progresses. However, there is something mysterious about the fog in the morning on the way to Seminary that draws me in. While drearily depressing at times, it touches a spot in me that comes only around this time of year. I figure I might as well embrace it while it's going to be here.

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We started a new book in English called All Quiet on the Western Front. Already, there is something about it that is captivating to me. It is a book about a German soldier in the middle of World War I. I think it is interesting to note the distinct difference in perspective between the two World Wars that nations held for glory and honor of war. I haven't had much of a chance to learn about the first World War; the second one has always fascinated me with fond humility and a kind of reverence.

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Ben and I got our shots and nasal spray yesterday at Kaiser for the seasonal and H1N1 flu. There is a slight sting in my upper right arm from it still. I was smart enough to not look at the needle this time. Unexpectedly, I felt more light headed when I was watching Ben get his than I did when I got mine, though my pulse certainly rose higher with mine. I suppose this means that I am hopeless when it comes to getting vaccines. I figure that one of these days, all it's going to take is for someone to pull a knife on me and I'll just keel over. *sigh*

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Today was our first Jazz gig – a recruiting concert at Meadow Elementary for the kids there. It was a fun time, though these concerts seem to go by so quickly. The jazz band this year is certainly much, much different than last year, both in good and bad ways. I think we have the potential to be a rock solid group, though. All it would take is a little more dedication and focus to get done what needs to. That being said, we've read some difficult charts to begin this year and it is encouraging.

Tomorrow is our Analy Band Festival for our Symphonic group. Again, we have the potential to perform extremely well, I think. It will all come down to whether or not we are willing to sit down, grit our teeth, and play well. At times, I am overly convinced of this and other times, I am disappointed. We will see what happens tomorrow.

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Scriptures beckon, as does my bed. One more day until the weekend!

Yesterday was the beginning to our Stake Conference; the beginning of it was held at the Oakland Temple. But there was something unique to this temple trip: children, youth, and adults were all invited to participate in the many activities held there. Primary kids participated in the events taking place outside of the temple; youth and non-endowed members were invited to participate in temple baptisms; the adults were involved in the remaining ordinances the temple provides.

The day began by waking up early to prepare for the approximate hour drive to Oakland. My father had taken off early with his folks at 6:30 that morning; that left the bug, my mother and I at the house. After getting dressed (the finding of socks and shoes can be a traumatic thing when not carefully searched for with the bug) and putting together the fantastic lunch of sandwiches, chips, Izzes, and cookies, the three of us gathered for a mini-family prayer to ask for the roads to be cleared and for the other members traveling to arrive safely. And so, the excursion began.

Before leaving, I grabbed by father's Kennsington iPod adapter for the car to stream my iPod to the radio. With a couple years of EFY music playing, we puttered down through the highway to Oakland. I was particularly impressed with the spectacular sight of the trees between us and Novato. I have always noticed them and have been drawn to them, but they looked particularly beautiful on that day – and rightly so.

We arrived at the Temple at 11 o'clock; the chapel session began at 11:30. Finding seats, greeting members, and noting the beauty of the area took the rest of the thirty minutes. As if testifying to the righteous decision of those who were present, the weather had ended up being remarkably delightful; I had remembered by father expressing concern that the weather could potentially be a hurdle to overcome for the primary children. Nevertheless, it proved to be a spectacular witness to the divinity of the day.

The chapel session was splendid. Despite the fact that my father is in the Stake Presidency, I genuinely have a great deal of respect for those men. While different in their messages, the meaning was heart-warming.

We promptly separated after the chapel session; primary kids were to stay in the chapel while those involved in temple work were to go to the waiting room. The turnout of youth was stunning. My father and I had estimated between 20-25 youth; well over 50 showed up. It was inspiring to see such remarkable faith and testimony expressed through the majority of people who went to the temple.

The young men were the last of the group of youth to finish the ordinances, but, for me, it allowed me more time to greater appreciate the blessings and the work that was being done. I exited the temple at 3:30 and hastily went to find my sandwich. The excitement of the day had left me exceptionally exhausted, though extremely satisfied.

After we left, we made a unanimous vote to visit the Apple Store in Corte Madera. It was fun to be able to tinker with the 30" wide screen displays attached to the monstrous Mac Pros, to fiddle with the brand new iPod Nanos and their video-taking capabilities, to lust over the gorgeous 17" MacBook Pros and their nifty trackpad gestures, and, of course, to drool over the illustrious iPod Touches and their cool apps, including Bomberman. The new iPod shuffles also intrigued me, but I'm not so such of ridding the device completely of physical buttons as opposed to attaching them to the headset. The 160 gig iPod Classics looked a tad bit lonely as well. With all these innovative features on the new devices, I wonder if the previously jaw-dropping capacities of these monstrous critters are losing their charm.

After sighing as we left, we proceeded to head back home. But this was not all! A punkin-patch trip with the Dixons and Co. was left. Ah, but alas – corn maze prices exceeded that of our liking. And so it was that we drove back to the Dixon household for pizza, rockband, and Pirates of the Caribbean 3. It ended up being an extremely pleasing end to a magnificent day.

I'm not entirely sure if I should feel praised or insulted by the first remarks made by my band teacher when I arrived at school this morning.

"Oh, thank goodness, you're here! Are you still sick?"

*shakes head* I suppose this is what happens when you become too involved in the band at my school. I might as well resign myself to my fate; I certainly am a band geek.

Quite a bit of time has passed since the last I have updated this journal. For many reasons, my life seems to have shifted directions into things that have led me away from keeping a journal, which is something I regret. I happen to have found some time today to help me jump-start into this rejuvenation of efforts. As a result, I hope that a recurring pattern will assist and encourage me to continue to do so. Only now am I starting to see the lasting benefits of keeping a journal, other than for kicks and giggles.

To begin this "renewal," if you will, I'll begin by just expressing gratitude to the people in my life – gratitude for my friends, for my family, for the examples in my life, and for anyone who has touched me in any way, small or significant. This vast number of people is too large to thank individually and the number continues to grow, but in the course of finding out who I am, they influence me. The result of the build up of their efforts ends up being who I am. I only hope they are proud to see what they find in me.

By keeping this journal, I hope to see the build up of my life, of other peoples' efforts, and to be reminded of the experiences that have led me to become the person that I am.

Alright, life. Ready or not, here I come.

Here we go again. Another Utah trip. Today was spent running around and buying some extra food-stuffs :) and small items that might be of use for the trip.

I will be attending EFY this week, from Monday to Saturday; we leave tomorrow. Billy M. and his family have graciously paid for he and I to be able to attend this conference at Cedar City, Utah. For any who don't know, EFY is a LDS experience where teenagers from all around the world come together and meet for a week of fun, games, and bonding activities. Dances, olympics, speakers, and staying up at night partying are apart of the schedule. It should be an awesome time.

However, at the back of my brain, there are a few things that concern me:

1.) Another Utah drive. Two in one summer, in fact. I have a feeling that, as much as I have come to enjoy the beauty of the area, I am going to be thoroughly sick of the place after this.

2.) The altitude. Frankly, I already have difficulties maintaining a steady sleep pattern at home, but the altitude and dryness just kill me. Sleeping has never ceased to be a problem at Utah.

3.) My participation in these activities. Specifically speaking, dances just... unnerve me. I just... don't dance. But we'll see how this goes. I won't be a rebel.

I suppose I'll live, though. I'm looking forward to this. I really am.

Why, oh, why is it that when I can sleep, it's always in the most inconveiniant of times and that when I should be sleeping, I am up reading an A.P. World History textbook and playing pool while sipping on ice water and eating tasty otter pops?

As a matter of fact, why the heck am I up at 1:30 right now on the computer?

"In a lifetime of adventures, I've often felt blessed by fortune. But I believe that to a considerable extent luck is something you MAKE happen – by extending yourself into situations of risk but also by preparing yourself to succeed under these risky conditions.

Not that success has always been the outcome, of course. My life has been a long series of planned ascents and unplanned falls, of surprise successes and abysses narrowly avoided, of moments of high triumph and plunging disappointment – on mountains, on the high seas, in business, and in my personal life...

...I heard a phrase not too long ago that pretty well captures my philosophy of life: "If you aren't living on the edge, you're taking up too much space." It has nothing to do with thrill-seeking. It's about making the most of every moment, about stretching your own boundaries, about being willing to learn constantly, and putting yourself in situations where learning is possible – sometimes even critical to your survival. Being out on the edge, with everything at risk, is where you learn – and grow – the most."

JAMES WHITTAKER
(Swiped from gigiss's entry.)

These passages have really caught my attention. I am one who is laid back and would prefer to take things easy instead of risking and such. I am not one to be ambitious, unless I want to, and I am not a thrill-seeker (although... a 50 miler is pretty thrill-seekerish, isn't it?). Since I've heard this, I've come to realize that failure in life is just an important and crucial step in growing and developing. Without failure, we wouldn't know anything in this life. If there was no failure, there would be no opposition of evil and if there's no opposition, then we have reached Utopia. It makes it easier, though, to appreciate failure and it's impact on each of our lives.

Now, I don't mean to say that I love to fail in life and I can guarantee I don't think of failure like this every time I do fail. But when I do, I feel more inclined to risk things - not rashly, but within a reasonable limit. And it is the time that we grow the most. There is no quicker way to learn that a hot pot will burn you if you don't go up and touch the pot firsthand. Someone can tell you not to, but there is probably a shadow of unbelief in your mind because it hasn't happened to you.

Now, let's not get cocky here. We should respect our elders and heed advice from others. But as far as risking things is concerned, so long as we are not gambling our futures away and that we are staying within a reasonable limit, I'd commend any who went out for things that they risked and accomplished or, in some cases, did not accomplish.

And so I've been trying to take this approach in all areas of my life.